The Accidental Safe Haven

In 1983, I became Vice President of Human Resources for a company that had been my escape from Mississippi’s suffocating homophobia. Despite my lack of formal qualifications, they kept promoting me—largely because of my ability to speak the language of their ultra-conservative, devoutly religious field force of 25,000 distributors. Being from Mississippi, I knew how to talk the talk.

There was just one catch: I had to hide the fact that I was gay.

The company prided itself on being a "family organization," which, in practice, meant adhering to conservative Christian values. For three years, I played the part of a straight, single playboy. But as I grew through therapy and began having healthy relationships with men, the emotional toll of hiding became unbearable. Occasionally, a boyfriend might call my office, and my secretary or administrative assistant would answer. It was only a matter of time before someone connected the dots and realized the truth.

So, I decided to come out, starting with the two people closest to my work life: my secretary and my assistant. I called Ray, my assistant, into my office and closed the door. After a carefully rehearsed speech about tolerance, acceptance, and how this revelation wouldn’t change who I was, I took a deep breath and said, “I’m gay.”

Her response stunned me.

“Thank God!” she exclaimed. “I’m a lesbian!”

I had no idea.

Relieved but still cautious, I asked how she thought Carla, our secretary, would react. Could she be trusted?

Ray grinned. “Oh, she’s queer too.”

And just like that, in the heart of a company teeming with Bible-thumping traditionalists, I had—completely by accident—created a secret little sanctuary of perverts!